“Self Care” and Mental Health: What it actually means to practice self care when struggling with an eating disorder, body image issues, and other mental health challenges
“Self care” is often prescribed as a source of relief or as a part of a remedy for dealing with certain mental health struggles, a traumatic event, or even just a stressful week. Self care and all of its synonyms and branches – self compassion, self love, self worth, building self confidence – are so commonly referenced that I didn’t realize that I could sparsely describe or define them well until I saw a post on Instagram about self care and mental health, to which someone commented saying that they see this suggestion often, but don’t understand what it actually means.
What does it mean to have compassion for yourself when you are struggling with an eating disorder? What does it look like to foster self love or acceptance in the face of body image issues? How do you even start to invest in your self worth after certain traumatic events or after believing lies about your lack of worth for so long?
Self Care and Mental Health: Not Black and White
I’m not sure there are black and white answers to most of these questions; self compassion when dealing with an eating disorder may look different for me than it does for you, but it’s worth taking a pause at this group of terms to spend some time contemplating what practicing self care, exercising self compassion, fostering self love and self worth, and/or building self confidence could look like for those of us struggling with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, or another mental health-related challenge.
Being consciously aware of what these things could mean or look like for you can help, “Practice self care!” from becoming a platitude that you roll your eyes at and gloss over while searching for some helpful tips for dealing with some of the day-to-day struggles that come with struggling with an eating disorder, body image issues, anxiety, or something else.
5 acts of self care for when you are struggling with your eating disorder, body image issues, or another aspect of your mental health
1. Identify one thing that is holding you down or back in some way, and let it go
A social media account (or the whole dang app) that makes you feel badly about yourself, a person who is stunting or preventing a part of your healing, a pair of pants in your closet that doesn’t fit anymore, but that you have kept “just in case” that makes you feel bad for how your body looks and feels now, a picture of yourself in your camera roll that makes you long for the body you had when you were sick. Unfollow the account, uninstall the app, distance yourself from the person, donate the pants, delete the picture! Whatever it is, try letting it go as a tangible act of compassion toward who and where you are today.
2. Write down a list of things you are not forgiving yourself for
Okay, you might wonder HOW this is an act of self care. A while ago, my therapist suggested that I do this. Without knowing why, I started making the list of things – big and small – that I wasn’t forgiving myself for. Some were directly related to my body, body image, eating disorder, and some had no decipherable connection. Some were big, some were (seemingly) small, but still popped into my head during this exercise.
My therapist then asked how I knew I was still holding onto these things and what it would look like for me to forgive myself for each of them (we talked about each of them over a course of several sessions . . . some for a few minutes, and some for a length of time). I don’t know what your list looks like or what it would take for you to forgive yourself for the things you’re holding onto, but doing this brought a handful of things up for me that I wasn’t even aware I was holding onto and, in some ways, punishing myself for. “Forgiving myself” looked and looks different for each of the items on my list, and it’s a work in progress, but a work nonetheless, one I think you may find fruitful, too.
3. Stop apologizing for taking up space
My sister said recently that she would not have been surprised if I would have called her on the night I went into labor and started the conversation by saying, “Hey, I am SO sorry to bother you, and it’s TOTALLY fine if you can’t or are busy, but I’m about to have a baby. Do you have a moment to come get me or help?” I laughed because it is so true. I (for sure) would say and have said these exact things before I ask for help.
Historically, I apologize for merely existing sometimes, and while I think this could be an entire blog post on its own (maybe it needs to be soon!), it is absolutely an act of self care, compassion, and love to work toward not apologizing for taking up (literal or figurative) space. I am notorious for doing this, and it is often light, funny, and seemingly harmless. But it is also often an act of self deprecation rooted in problematic (and inaccurate) beliefs about who you are as a person, who you are meant to be, and who we are as women. So, the next time you’re about to apologize for something, check in with yourself first and ask: Is an apology warranted here? If you just need to “scoot by” someone in the grocery store (or you’re in labor and need a ride to the hospital…), the answer is probably no. :)
4. Do something that you have wanted to do but that pushes you outside of your current comfort zone
Say ‘yes’ to an outing you might usually say ‘no’ to (connect socially!), go to a movie alone (practice being comfortable doing things alone!), eat your favorite childhood meal, reach out to someone you have recently met to get together (make connections!). Doing something that you have thought about but that feels like a “challenge” to you can help improve your confidence, which is definitely an act of compassion and love for yourself.
5. Do a mental health check in
Consider a list of “check points” for yourself that could include things like”
Did I get enough sleep last night?
What can I do to make myself smile today?
How long have I been on my phone today?
Am I hungry? Am I thirsty?
What thoughts are making me sad, anxious, or stressed today?
You can create a list of checkpoints that are specific to reminders YOU need. These can serve as a gentle way to tune into your mind and body if your tendency has been to ignore, restrict, or pathologize your mind and body’s promptings and needs.
"Practice Self Care": More Than Just a Platitude
So, the next time you scroll through some suggestions for coping, healing, or helping when you’re in the midst of a deep struggle – or when you're just having a hard day – and "practice self care," have compassion for yourself, love yourself, or remember that your worth is not tied to x,y, or z is one of the suggestions, take a moment to think about what those things could actually look like for you. Do you need to check in with yourself, take inventory of things you’re holding onto, or maybe hold an apology that you would usually be quick to dole out? Whether your struggle is with an eating disorder, your body image, anxiety, a mix or these, or something else, acts of self care can be helpful and sources of healing when you understand what that means for you and have practical ways to actually execute them.
By: Erika Muller, Assistant for Wildflower Therapy LLC
All images via Unsplash
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