The Art of Becoming Unburdened: Recognizing Your Burdens and Taking Small Steps Toward a Lighter Life
What I want is for you to be unburdened by this.
Tears welled up in my eyes. The words were simple, but they hit me hard in that moment. Maybe because I could tell that my therapist really meant it, or maybe because I, too, wanted to feel unburdened by this particular thing. In any case, those words have lived in the forefront of my mind since then as I’ve explored what it means and what it looks like to be truly burdened and then unburdened by something.
Maybe it’s a to-do list that never seems to shrink, a house that never seems to stay clean, exhaustion that feels like it only deepens by the day, the weight of the world’s problems pressing in, a broken relationship, or just the quiet, persistent hum of anxiety in the background of many of life’s ups and downs. Some burdens are big, noticeably heavy, and others: subtle, maybe even imperceptible until you hit a breaking point. Big or small, all of the things that burden you take up space—mentally, emotionally, physically.
When you have one of those moments, days, or seasons where you feel the overwhelming weight of a burden you are bearing, the pressure to do something about it can be something that only adds to the burden itself. Lately, I’ve had several conversations with people who are in similar seasons—carrying the weight of many things and feeling overwhelmed by the uncertainty of how to handle them.
As one person I was talking to reminded me, “I can’t do everything, but I can do something” when she talked about facing an issue bigger than herself. And as another friend mentioned, “It’s true that I don’t have a voice on that stage, but I have a voice on a different stage” when thinking about how she can use her voice and resources to move toward health and wholeness in the face of many big world problems that she is feeling burdened by.
The truth is, we can’t carry everything.
And we aren’t meant to. But often, we try anyway, convincing ourselves that if we just hold on a little longer, work a little harder, push through just a bit more, we’ll figure it all out. And yet, for some burdens, instead of pushing through, working harder, doing more, the unburdening might just happen in letting go.
I don’t think becoming unburdened is about eliminating every stressor or hardship we experience. It starts by recognizing what’s weighing us down and taking small, intentional steps to lighten our cognitive, emotional, or physical load. It’s about understanding what’s within our control, releasing what isn’t, choosing where to focus our energy, and recognizing where we may need help along the way.
Recognizing the Burdens You Carry
For a while, I didn’t realize the weight of some of my own burdens. Sometimes we become so accustomed to the weight of our burdens, that we forget what it’s like to be without them. We may not view them as burdens anymore more, but rather as extensions of ourselves, new apendages we have to incorporate into the way we function. My therapist reminded me, though, that even when we have been dealing with something for a long time, even if we don’t recogize it as burdensome anymore, it stll has an impact on the way we function, socialize, navigate through our days.
Some burdens can be internal, such as:
Perfectionism
Self-criticism
Fear
Guilt
Envy
Fatigue
Uncertainty
Shame
Anxiety
Depression
Others are external, like:
Schedule obligations/ Being overscheduled
Parenting obligations
Work stressors
Relationships
Deadlines
Social pressures
The state of the world
Financial stress
Sometimes, when our external burdens become too heavy, they become internal burdens, and when we don’t have space for all of the things we are carrying, we can experience extreme physical exhaustion, emotional burnout, decision fatigue, and avoidance.
What Do I Do When I Identify a Burden in My Life?
The first step to becoming unburdened by something is recognizing that it is, in fact, a burden. Whether it’s s big world issue or a seemingly trivial stressor, if it interrupts your ability to feel or find peace, it is burdensome. Identifying these things, situations, and people in your life can be the first step in releasing this burden.
Accept That You Can’t Do Everything—But You Can Do Something
One common thread woven into the conversations I have had with people about this lately is the fact that so many of the things that feel burdensome also feel so . . . big. And some, outside of our control. This has been true for me, too. Even things that maybe “should” feel small feel big, and this is in part because even the small things add up.
It’s easy to feel discouragement that leans into despair when we take inventory of all of the burdens we are bearing, only to realize that we aren’t fully equipped to tackle some of them. Something I’ve been working toward is to narrow my focus in on a small number of burdens, really examine what I can do to work toward unburdening myself, and take small steps in that direction.
When I cannot recognize a clear and direct path to “fixing” an internal or external burden, my natural inclination is to freeze. Years ago, I read about the sphere of influence, the sphere of concern, and the sphere of control. This has been a helpful way to assess the burdens I’m bearing for what is mine to do when confronting a certain problem. When assessing something that is burdening you, you may consider that it is within your sphere of concern, but that very little of it is within your sphere of influence. Without further examination, it can be overwhelming and discouraging to realize there is this huge thing that you are burdened by but that you don’t have direct influence over. A shift that could be helpful, though, is narrowing our focus into what you can do within your circle of influence that can demonstrate your values, your intentions, your morals, and your priorities in light of this bigger issue. For example, I may be burdened by the apathy demonstrated toward a group of people on a national or global level, and while I can’t directly change this, I can individually exercise empathy and compassion toward people within this specific group in the way I interact, talk, prioritize my time.
2. Letting Go of Perfectionism
If you struggle with perfectionism, you may recognize that when assessing situations and circumstances that are burdensome in your life, you feel you have to have a solid plan that accounts for all parts of the issue and gets everything right before doing anything at all. Releasing the expectation of perfection when taking steps to move forward can be a liberating part of becoming unburdened by an issue, circumstance, or source of stress.
3. Take Small (or Big) Steps to Becoming Unburdened
What does it actually look like to take steps toward becoming unburdened? After recognizing something as burdensome and identifying your level of control in addressing this burden, you can consider tangible, practical steps that can move you toward being unburdened. The nature of the burden will, in part, determine what kinds of steps you can take to become unburdened.
When your burdens are mental/emotional:
Journaling
Talking to a therapist
Talking to a trusted friend or family member
Write a letter
reframing negative thought patterns, setting boundaries with social media/news consumption.
When your burdens are relational:
Determine if the relationship is one you want to repair, redefine or discontinue
Assess if and where you can take ownership
Initiate a hard conversation
Write a letter
Extend an invitation to connect
When the burden is in your space or schedule:
Identify something you can release from your schedule to free up space – sometimes the most important thing you can do to unburden yourself is to ensure that you are prioritizing rest and time for yourself.
Saying no to things that you do not want to or do not have margin to do
Lower your expectations for yourself
For instance, you may have a friend who has the margin, mental space, and ability to keep their home clean most of the time, and you may not, so this could be an area where you release yourself from that self-imposed expectation.
Delegate tasks that you can delegate. If cleaning your physical space is a burden and it is financially feasible, explore options for having someone come in (even once a month) to do some deep cleaning. This can make the day-to-day upkeep and tidying much more feasible.
Consider delegating household tasks between you and roommates, a partner, and kids if you have them and they are at an age where they can contribute in that way
Use available and free resources: For me, coming up with recipes and dinner ideas can feel overwhelming when situated on top of a million other life things, so I have started using ChatGPT to come up with meal options and grocery lists for busy weeks. This is one small way I can unburden myself from one of my recurring daily demands and obligations.
Pick one room (or even one drawer, cupboard, or shelf) to declutter at a time. Make the task small.
Get rid of clothes you don’t wear – do this incrementally if you need to! Go through sweaters one day, pants another, lounge and workout clothes next, etc.
When you’re carrying the weight of “the world”:
Assess how much news/information you’re consuming - While it’s necessary to be informed, I sometimes wonder if we were meant to process and shoulder the amount of information we are inundated with all at once
Disconnect from socials or news outlets (even temporarily) to give yourself some breathing room if and when you are feeling burdened by the state of the nation or world
Use your voice when and where you can – assess your sphere of control and sphere of influence and act in the ways that are within your realm of control
Engage in conversations about these world issues selectively – use discernment when engaging in conversations via social media, try to assess if the person you are engaging with is looking to learn and discuss or to argue and prove a point
The Ongoing Nature of Becoming Unburdened
The process of releasing burdens takes time and intentional effort, and becoming unburdened is a process, not a single decision or moment. For me, it continues to be a mindset shift that takes me from being a victim of circumstance to a participant with agency to make (even small) changes in my schedule, mindset, relationships, and priorities. Regularly checking in with yourself—asking what feels heavy and what can be adjusted—can be a powerful practice in lightening the load. If I could, I would look you in the eyes, and in the face of your biggest burdens right now, I would tell you – like my therapist told me – I want you to be unburdened by this. And to get there, you don’t have to do everything, but you can do something. And that is enough.
By: Erika Muller, Assistant for Wildflower Therapy LLC
All images via Unsplash
How Can Eating Disorder Therapy in Philadelphia, PA Help You?
If you’re looking for someone to come alongside you to help you start or come alongside you to unpack burdens or support your mental health journey, our therapists in Pennsylvania are honored to help! In fact, you can get to know a little bit more about them here and book a free consultation here.
Other Mental Health Services Provided by Wildflower Therapy, Philadelphia, PA
Life is a unique and sometimes messy journey for each of us; we all have our own individual battles to fight. Our therapists know there is no one-size-fits-all approach to any of life’s challenges and because of that, we offer many unique perspectives and approaches to help meet you where you are with our Philadelphia, PA Therapy services.
We offer services for eating disorder therapy, services for anxiety, and depression, and have practitioners who specialize in perinatal mental health , maternal mental health, therapy for college students and athletes. As well as LGBTQIA+ Affirming Therapy. As you can see, we have something to offer just about anyone in our Philadelphia, PA office. Reaching out is often the most difficult step you can take to improve your mental health. We look forward to partnering with you on this journey!
